I went running last night. Did 4.08mi in 36:02 min. Not my best pace, but I was quite pleased since this was basically my first run since Thanksgiving when I stupidly inflicted on myself a very nasty sprained ankle. I had forgotten how much I’ve come to enjoy running late at night where on the right back street with the exception of the odd car driving by one can be the only person in the entire neighborhood outside. The heat of summer used to help keep people inside, and last night’s cold weather also did the trick. The fresh air, solitude, and the monotonous breathing and running rhythm help me to totally detach.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, this time of year is fairly introspective, and while running last night I was finally able to more simply define a quandary I have recently been trying to work out.
I’m picturing two spectrums. Movement along each spectrum is facilitated by action. One spectrum can be looked at as desirable for a happy life, and the other would be either misguided or undesirable.
Appreciative Satisfaction < --- > Self Improvement
Complacency < --- > Erred Ambition
I am wondering what is the key to figuring out on which of the two spectrums one lies. Tay always says that I view everything in too much of a black and white outlook, and that life is usually a lot more grey. Even so, ignoring the greys, I'd like to be able to apply this black and white test to life items. Unfortunately, on this topic I suspect that the key is probably personal and will vary across individuals, but I would be interested in any thoughts others may have.
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Deep thoughts, bro. Why does that make we want to whip out a good ole Jack Handy saying?! Too bad I don't know any by heart anymore. Good luck with the quandry...
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'd say my side of the spectrum varies with my ever changing moods. Just ask Jeremy. ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep thinking on it and suddenly, one day answers will hit you. I'm sorry our brains don't work more alike but I am always willing to listen! You're pretty fascinating. In a world where I see a lot of good sometimes tained by bad and bad positively influenced by good, rare is the issue that is not white tainted with black or black mingled with white; all of which are shades of grey. Perhaps you're looking for a way to better define what is black and what is white so you can remove some of the grey? Because often your answers are going to lie in asking what has turned from white to grey or even turned all the way to black. :)
ReplyDeleteVery interesting Brian. I can't say that I haven't thought about this. But like always, you can put it in words much better than I can even think it in my head. To change your analogy slightly, you should think of them as two beams running side by side. Except the Satisfaction/improvement one is the width of your foot and the complacency/erred ambition is the width of a pencil. It's dangerous to walk exclusively on the pencil-width one because you end up falling down too much. But also, only the elite gymnasts can ever truly never waver when walking on the foot-width one. Most people should probably try to walk on the foot-width beam and end up using the pencil-width one to catch themselves when they get offbalance.
ReplyDeleteAs for picking which spectrum you are on...here are my thoughts. Being brothers that are more alike than we are different, I bet you are like me in this regard. We have a superhero complex. In the back of your mind, you have this little voice that tells you that you can do anything. You take this thought and it morphs into something like "I want to save the world, or at least become someone that people will write books and magazine articles about". Except we aren't even close. We live ordinary lives, but these thought push us onto the erred ambition spectrum and so we feel like we are monumental underachievers. Am I anywhere close? I might have to send the rest of this in an email. It's getting too long.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to seem simplistic, but to me the key to telling which spectrum you are on is by looking at the effects of your actions. Do they also build up others? Do they make you happy? Do they lead to lasting improvements? Or are they selfish, sneaky, and leave sorrow in their wake? Some may be truly neutral, but I would guess that most of your angst comes from not accepting that if it makes you happy it doesn't have to be "selfish". Comments?
ReplyDeleteI need to go on a run so I can mull this over in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI would like to believe that I am on the "appreciated self satisfaction --- self improvement" spectrum. However, it is far to easy to feel complacency. I think that is why we have a intimate relationships either with a spouse, friend, savior. They are the people who kick our butts out of complacency and affirm self improvement.