Hitting Mom is a BAD Idea...

Our Toys R Us was having a sale and was stuffed full of clearance items so after Aiden did so well at getting his flu "shot" (nasal spray version), I took him up there to play at the store while I tackled our list of birthday & cousin gifts. An hour later we're in the checkout line when I tell Aiden no, he cannot play with some tiny breakable junk toy by the register. He freaks out, begins screaming and trying to hit me. I wheel us up to the register to pay and he hits my hands, smashing them against the shopping cart bar then strikes me twice more on the arm as I ignore him and unload our cart. When my back is turned, he lands a blow so forcefully under my shoulder blade that it forces an exhale, I wince in pain and I can hear all the moms and grandmothers behind me gasp at the fleshy THUD from his strike. I turn quickly, eyes flashing with anger but controlling my own reactions and hiss that hitting is not allowed, then push our cart forcefully away from me so it rolls to an empty cart area near the door with Aiden still sitting in it. He screams, cries and wails at an enormous volume for the next 2 minutes while I finish my purchase. All eyes are on me. What else is new? I actually have a half-second to note that after hearing everyone gasp, my first thought was for Aiden's future success at school if we don't curtail this hitting and that the first familiar prick of embarrassment was extinguished by my next thought of what I should do to stop this horrible hitting problem. Who has time to care what complete strangers think!

I have Aiden apologize to me before I wipe his eyes, help him blow his nose and remove him from the cart. He walks calmly with me to the car, as if he has never misbehaved in his life. My back is dully aching the entire drive home and the car is silent as I work through in my mind what I should do. Hitting as punishment for hitting is never the right answer so that is out. Time outs, that may work for other children, are not reliable with Aiden because they spawn toy-throwing rages that only allow him more physical expression for his anger. (Even if there are no toys, he will rip the decor off the wall in his room and throw those, simply because he's been put in time out.) Difficult child and time-outs don't really work. I'd looked up several parenting things on LDS.org and all of it said to discipline firmly but with kindness. Okay....how? Another parenting book comes to mind that said discipline should benefit the recipient, giving them opportunity to learn instead of taking away the learning opportunity by putting the child in time-out. Fine. How? I then thought of how truly difficult Aiden can be and how Brian and I pray every night that we will know the right things to do for him that he may learn and grow well. I am nearly beginning to think "why is there so little help for me?" when an idea suddenly pops into my head and my mouth begins saying it before I have even thought it through but it's the best idea I've gotten yet! I tell Aiden that when he gets angry and his hands want to hit that it means they are not getting enough exercise and we need to do things that will help exercise them so they won't want to hit when he feels angry. I actually smile when I get the idea of what his "exercise" should be:



Last night I cooked dinner for a family who just had twins - their 4th and 5th children - so I had to cook for an army and my splattered stovetop showed it. Scrubbing is good exercise for hands that like to hit...



....and so is cleaning the TV...

...and unloading the dishwasher...

...and scrubbing out the sink with Comet...

...Windexing the back door glass...

...and cleaning all the sticky fingerprints off the hope chest.

Yep, hitting mom is a BAD IDEA! However when it came to meeting the demands of discipline with kindness in a way that taught him without using harshness, this idea was pure genius and totally inspired. And the more I watched him clean the more thoughts came to my mind about how this same thing can be used when he's not listening and obeying (needs to practice listening to cleaning instructions and following through) and to when he's refusing to do things (needs to practice doing more things, like household tasks, when he is asked to) and as a consequence to defiance, mess making and the general mayhem he creates, this will be a great way to teach through tactile activity that he cannot go through life wreaking havoc or he will be continually presented with such "opportunities for learning at home"! I guess it takes one really good whack in the back during our hundredth temper tantrum to create the scene for me to list out everything I know, confess the things I don't know and think "Okay, HOW?!!" before the moment is ideal for the perfect answer. Our tactile boy needs tactile learning and tactile discipline. It's pretty cool when prayers are answered just when you need it. :)