We were at Hobby Lobby today where some teens (I am guessing) damaged a portion of the store by throwing fully-unscrewed-and-opened bottles of craft paint across the shelves EVERYWHERE. On a nearby clearance aisle Aiden got ahold of a tiny bottle of blue model car paint someone had opened and left within easy grabbing distance. As I was distracted by avoiding the paint explosion puddles, I looked up to see Aiden COVERED in blue paint, ruining both pieces of clothing he was wearing. I was thinking about how these inconsiderate strangers, with their obvious lack of parenting, would never realize their actions caused us a ruined outfit and incredible amounts of frustration. I don't want Aiden to be that way and yet I seem to have been dealt that card to battle.
So Aiden saw an Occupational Therapist at the end of July and I got some answers, which I wanted, but they were upsetting. In fact, they were heartbreaking. Aiden has no neurological issues at all and while he showed a shadow of some possible lingering sensory issues, all the tactile play therapy I did with him this spring seems to have helped him overcome it. (If only that complement had made me feel better.) However Aiden scored very high on his intelligence screening and as soon as I entered the room to hear the test results, the therapist observed a marked change in Aiden's behavior. In short, he's wicked smart and will creatively manipulate to get his way.
Okay, so all kids do this. No big deal, right? Just give them firm discipline and maybe a swat on the bum, right? Well...yes and no for Aiden. The first part of the problem is me. I disliked how harshly I was disciplined growing up and vowed to be much kinder to my children. I also pick my battles a little too well, which has given Aiden the belief that there are loopholes to be exploited. In addition to this we are discovering that without extremely clear, firm and without-fail consistency, Aiden will start pulling out bizzare tricks from up his sleeve for us to contend with so our focus wanders off HIM and onto the messes/noise/destruction he's causing. (Included in this are his autistic-type behaviors since they actually made me pause and wonder if he had control over them or not so I did not punish, I just re-directed the behavior believing he may not be able to help it.) Aiden's mess-making, toy throwing and strange vomiting fits (fingers in his mouth while crying to trigger gagging) also fall in this category.
The most difficult & frustrating part is that Aiden needs SOOO much firmness that feels like it borderlines on unkindness and parental dictating. For now giving Aiden more than basic choices seems to invite manipulation while simple requests, like put your underwear on, have suddenly turned into TWO HOUR battles. Like yesterday when Aiden refused to put his underwear back on after going to the bathroom and I walked him to his room and told him he could come out when they were on. TWENTY SIX TIMES over TWO HOURS I had to put him back in his room and listen to him kicking the door and damaging the drywall while I vacuumed, mopped, cleaned the playroom and then sat down to begin playing with his Legos myself. I was 5 minutes in to Lego playtime when he emerged, exhausted, with his underwear on. (Backwards.) It was extremely difficult to return him to his room every 4 minutes and listen to the HOURS of wailing & banging but the dings in the wall will be worth having one less thing to fight over him with.
Unfortunately I don't really know what to do with Aiden's new tourettes-like screaming gibberish outbursts in public followed by "Mom don't hit me!" when I haven't ever hit him, aside from spanks on the bum, and at that moment I didn't even touch him. (Tell me this isn't a difficult child. I dare you. I also dare you to ask me when we're having another one...) Most mothers would have beaten him to a pulp by now, trying to spank the misbehavior out of him. That doesn't work for Aiden - instead it gives him the all-clear to whollop kids his age, which has made him aware of his massive height advantage and adds "bully" to the list of things we must contend with. Instead, Brian hit the nail on the head. We have to combat stubborness with stubborness until each melts the other's away and loving give-and-take can resume.
The worst part is I MUST learn to control some of the aspects of my own kindness in order to be the parent I need to be for Aiden. He MUST be ignored when screaming, no matter how much I know this parenting tactic bothers Brian. He MUST have stated consequences followed through with, no matter how unkind it seems to walk him back to his room wailing & gaging, threatening to vomit on his new carpet, for the 26th time. He MUST learn proper behavior first and taste of consequence before he can understand true kindness from his parents and I completely hate this needed period of unbending parenting but I'm doing it. Because worse than 3 year-old temper tantrums is the thought of how truly unkind it is to let a child enter the world where he thinks it's okay to take his frustrations out on the general public in totally unacceptable ways. I guess there is an early warning and a good parenting lesson learned from open, dripping, splattered bottles of paint and one ruined toddler outfit during a morning at Hobby Lobby. What mother wouldn't trade a toddler wardrobe to ensure her child never becomes that type of adult? I simply have to keep reminding myself: The messes & house damage are temporary while the lesson is lasting. Otherwise the orderly house is only temporary and the damage to him is lasting.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
July 4th!
Well, a month late isn't too bad, right? I am falling behind in my blogging responsibilities. Thankfully, Tay has been able to keep things going for the past couple of months while I have been working so much. Thank you, sweetie.
Anyways, we spent the 4th of July in Granbury with the Sullivans, and we had a great time. We drove up on Thursday, and came back home on Monday the 5th. We filled our time with boating, fishing, bar-b-que, shopping, outings, relaxing, time with family, and while Aiden took naps, I finished off season 3 of Burn Notice. It was a very nice trip. Below are the highlights.
On the 4th we went into downtown Granbury for their Independence Day Parade. It was fun to experience a small town parade again complete with the local high school sport teams and band, all of the local organizations, the police and fire dept, and local veterans. We definitely have much to be grateful for to be Americans. Aiden especially enjoyed that all of the floats and marching participants threw candy. I think that he got close to what he got at Halloween last year.
The next day was actually Sunday the 4th, so after church it was time to wait for the big fireworks show over the lake. We had the best seats in town in the Sullivan's back yard, and the waiting was made all the better with the bar-b-que and our own fireworks.
I learned two lessons though. 1) sparkler thermite falling between your toes hurts real bad, and 2) there is only so much flag waiving and sparkler time that can keep Aiden occupied before he gets bored waiting for the fireworks show to begin (can't you tell from the picture below? lol)
In the end, it was a fun trip that we will probably do again next year. Some of the other fun activities were Aiden's first attempt at fishing. He didn't catch anything this time around, but I was heartened to see that he did seem to enjoy this activity. I had a great time staying up until 2 am fishing with Tyler one night, and we actually did catch some.
Anyways, we spent the 4th of July in Granbury with the Sullivans, and we had a great time. We drove up on Thursday, and came back home on Monday the 5th. We filled our time with boating, fishing, bar-b-que, shopping, outings, relaxing, time with family, and while Aiden took naps, I finished off season 3 of Burn Notice. It was a very nice trip. Below are the highlights.
On the 4th we went into downtown Granbury for their Independence Day Parade. It was fun to experience a small town parade again complete with the local high school sport teams and band, all of the local organizations, the police and fire dept, and local veterans. We definitely have much to be grateful for to be Americans. Aiden especially enjoyed that all of the floats and marching participants threw candy. I think that he got close to what he got at Halloween last year.
After the parade, we went and visited a local attraction. We actually met the owner/operator of the Tolar Windmill Farm and Bed and Breakfast at the parade. Luckily, Chuck didn't mind that we were Aggies, and convinced us that we should go. Aiden loves anything mechanical, and he also loves doing anything out in the open where he can run and do whatever he wants, so he definitely had fun running around and exploring this place.
The next day was actually Sunday the 4th, so after church it was time to wait for the big fireworks show over the lake. We had the best seats in town in the Sullivan's back yard, and the waiting was made all the better with the bar-b-que and our own fireworks.
I learned two lessons though. 1) sparkler thermite falling between your toes hurts real bad, and 2) there is only so much flag waiving and sparkler time that can keep Aiden occupied before he gets bored waiting for the fireworks show to begin (can't you tell from the picture below? lol)
In the end, it was a fun trip that we will probably do again next year. Some of the other fun activities were Aiden's first attempt at fishing. He didn't catch anything this time around, but I was heartened to see that he did seem to enjoy this activity. I had a great time staying up until 2 am fishing with Tyler one night, and we actually did catch some.
It is also always fun to see the two cousins hanging out with each other. I think that they were watching Tarzan here.
Lastly, Aiden was enthralled with Aunt Sheena's iPhone. He loved all of the fun little kid games. We are now that much closer to convincing Tay to get one!
Lastly, Aiden was enthralled with Aunt Sheena's iPhone. He loved all of the fun little kid games. We are now that much closer to convincing Tay to get one!
It was a great holiday, and I hope that everyone enjoys the pictures.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
A Letter to the Insurance Company
Dear Aetna, 
Delightful as it is to have to call you every five days for something, I have been disappointed with the care I receive. It's not that your warbling frog-and-cricket-sounding wait music is annoying nor is it that your customer service rep's abilities to correctly dial transfer extensions borders on that of orangutans...I actually find the process of playing phone transfer hot potato a delightful use of my otherwise would-be wasted time. No, my main complaint is that your highest-up customer service reps seem to be both blissfully inept at understanding my most simple requests while they are staggeringly brilliant at the ins and outs of state laws, insurance workings and anything involving one of your dollar signs. I have been most recently amused by your notice that the claim for our son's behavioral therapy has been denied while you also provided us a suggestion to appeal since, as you already know, it is 100% illegal to refuse coverage to a Texas child between the ages of 3 and 6 who has a need for such therapy. I also find it hilariously disappointing that you assumed so many times I could be run off with such simple statements as "your doctor is out of network" when indeed there are NO such "doctors" for behavioral therapy in network because they are called THERAPISTS. (My next favorite line being "Yes, you are correct about the state laws covering any child under any plan but they do not apply to your plan.") I have read more intelligent answers on Laffy Taffy wrappers and you should be ashamed of the circle-talk your reps have tried to pass off as "official" information.
I was grateful to talk to a head clinician in your billing department who gave me truly useful info about how to get around some of your sticky red tape (may the Lord bless his family while he is currently employed by Satan). He delivered the unfortunate news that you deem most of my son's suspected issues as "theoretical" and "experimental" and such make-believe, intangible things not worthy of your coverage. Enclosed you will find example images of such "theoretical" behaviors and my assurances that PLENTY of "experimental" things go on all day long at my house while I am otherwise diverted as I am passed through endless phone trees to get to someone I have yet to talk to that you believe is inept enough to answer and play a convincing idiot. I find it a shame I cannot bill you for the minutes of my life you have wasted nor the inconveniences you have caused but they are rapidly building towards my own nervous breakdown and I'm eyeing a delightful place in Maui which, what do you know, happens to be IN NETWORK! Until then I will be keeping my child with "unfounded and medically unproven" behaviors away from all tubes of toothpaste and after ensuring his behavioral therapy is covered by you, I will be submitting my invoices alongside his from the tropics. Aloha!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Gear Head
Recently Aiden has become interested in gears. (Absolutely anything mechanical fascinates him!) He had pointed out pricy boxes of Gears! Gears! Gears! in the Children's Museum gift shop and I had the thought to check eBay, figuring I could run anything used through a dishwasher cycle and save a ton of money. I found an auction for a "large box of gears" starting at $5. I was the only bidder and won the box, excited that Aiden would have some gears to play with for a fraction of the price of a single set. The seller said "watch for a really big box to arrive soon!" Yeah, sure, that's fine.
The next day a FedEx truck backed up the drive and unloaded what looked like a small dishwasher. I wondered what on EARTH I had ordered that could possibly be that huge. When the delivery man heaved it off the dolly into our entryway, I recognized the familiar tinkling of plastic toys hitting one another and thought "What have I done?"
Aiden and I spent the next TWO HOURS creating an assembly line to wash & rinse the plastic pieces by the collander full and dry them on my biggest family-size beach towels. An excessive amount of gears are now at Aiden's creative disposal. Here is a picture of the lot after washing them, which barely shows the wild enormity of what was in that box: (photos taken 7/9/10)
The next day a FedEx truck backed up the drive and unloaded what looked like a small dishwasher. I wondered what on EARTH I had ordered that could possibly be that huge. When the delivery man heaved it off the dolly into our entryway, I recognized the familiar tinkling of plastic toys hitting one another and thought "What have I done?"
Aiden and I spent the next TWO HOURS creating an assembly line to wash & rinse the plastic pieces by the collander full and dry them on my biggest family-size beach towels. An excessive amount of gears are now at Aiden's creative disposal. Here is a picture of the lot after washing them, which barely shows the wild enormity of what was in that box: (photos taken 7/9/10)
These pictures really make the mess look tame, just like the auction picture did. The whole time I was washing nearly 1000-something pieces I was wondering WHO in their right mind buys this many toys for their child. (Besides me, who was hoodwinked by deceiving eBay images showing a box that looked no bigger than two shoe boxes put together.) I'm letting Aiden enjoy them for a while to see what he plays with before donating a chunk to the church nursery & giving some to Sheena for Kyler to play with, too.
The seller was super sweet - and obviously in clean out mode - because a Thomas the Train crane car, a set of magnetic Lincolin Logs and some oddly unrelated plastic building pieces that resemble tinker toys were also found in the box among all the gears with a sweet note from the seller to enjoy everything and she was thrilled to be rid of all of it. Imagine that... :)
Accidents, Ant Bites and Staph, Oh My!
It's been a very full week of exciting oddities at our house this week. It started off on Monday night. We were at a friend's house for a group FHE, enjoying some chit chat in the kitchen while the children played in the back yard. Aiden came in wailing with three fire ant bites and moments later was fine after a hug, a little sympathy and a big ordeal about the Benadryl stick not touching him in the slightest. Ant bites - no big deal right?
Tuesday Aiden's Behaviorist came to go over her behavioral plan for him. (She had awesome ideas!) Immediately after Mindy left we went with our next door neighbors, including their 10 year-old daughter Madison who Aiden loves & 8 year-old Parker to the Downtown Aquarium. We had a BLAST! Aiden got to pet a shark, a stingray, a prickly sea urchin & a starfish. So cool! A downpour outside trapped us inside the gift shop where I noticed Aiden itch his ant bites, still refusing to let me put anything on them. I had doused his hands in hand sanitizer immediately after petting the sea life so I figured he would be okay until we got across the street to Hard Rock where I could scrub his hands down before lunch. The day ended with a train ride, a couple rounds on the carousel and a Ferris Wheel ride. Aiden had a BLAST and fell asleep in the stroller during the 4 minute walk to the car. :)
Wednesday morning just before 6 am Aiden wakes up crying, sporting a foot and ankle that are pinky-purple and swollen to twice their normal size. His ant bites had been itched open in his sleep and the whole foot looks painful. I have to cuddle with him and soothe him, explaining that the doctor is still asleep until I can call in at 7:30 to get him an appointment. He saw his pediatrician first thing and she is certain of a staph infection, especially after I tell her about our aquarium trip. He is to start heavy antibiotics immediately since the infection is now spreading up his ankle & leg. He's JUST come off a 10 day round of antibiotics for a sinus infection he got before July 4th so the kid has been sick nearly all month. This is not what we need, especially since this is supposed to be my first day implementing Aiden's behavior techniques and the kid can't even walk, let alone stop whining long enough to hear what I am saying. Not fun.
Thursday is a bit better. He's crabby & cranky on his medicine all day but I survive, knowing one of my girlfriends is coming over to do crafts that night while Bri goes with the guys to see a movie. Just before I leave Bri & Aiden to run to Wal-Mart to pick up craft paint, Aiden falls off his bed, catching the corner of his mouth on the beveled wood edge of the footboard. I hear his scream-cry and find him spitting blood all over Brian's dress shirt. It's deeper than it is wide and Bri and I wonder if he needs glue or stitches. It's stopped bleeding so we let him go to sleep, agreeing we'll see how it looks in the morning:
Poor kid! It scabbed and seems like it will close nicely but I'm still going to be doctoring it so he doesn't end up with a scar. Luckily he's on a mega-dose of antibiotics at the moment so he's got a great chance of it healing properly with no infection. All my friends keep calling, wondering why I'm not at the pool (see: already infected & antibiotics have caused diarrhea) and I don't know if I can take much more of this accident-prone craziness!
Tuesday Aiden's Behaviorist came to go over her behavioral plan for him. (She had awesome ideas!) Immediately after Mindy left we went with our next door neighbors, including their 10 year-old daughter Madison who Aiden loves & 8 year-old Parker to the Downtown Aquarium. We had a BLAST! Aiden got to pet a shark, a stingray, a prickly sea urchin & a starfish. So cool! A downpour outside trapped us inside the gift shop where I noticed Aiden itch his ant bites, still refusing to let me put anything on them. I had doused his hands in hand sanitizer immediately after petting the sea life so I figured he would be okay until we got across the street to Hard Rock where I could scrub his hands down before lunch. The day ended with a train ride, a couple rounds on the carousel and a Ferris Wheel ride. Aiden had a BLAST and fell asleep in the stroller during the 4 minute walk to the car. :)
Wednesday morning just before 6 am Aiden wakes up crying, sporting a foot and ankle that are pinky-purple and swollen to twice their normal size. His ant bites had been itched open in his sleep and the whole foot looks painful. I have to cuddle with him and soothe him, explaining that the doctor is still asleep until I can call in at 7:30 to get him an appointment. He saw his pediatrician first thing and she is certain of a staph infection, especially after I tell her about our aquarium trip. He is to start heavy antibiotics immediately since the infection is now spreading up his ankle & leg. He's JUST come off a 10 day round of antibiotics for a sinus infection he got before July 4th so the kid has been sick nearly all month. This is not what we need, especially since this is supposed to be my first day implementing Aiden's behavior techniques and the kid can't even walk, let alone stop whining long enough to hear what I am saying. Not fun.
Thursday is a bit better. He's crabby & cranky on his medicine all day but I survive, knowing one of my girlfriends is coming over to do crafts that night while Bri goes with the guys to see a movie. Just before I leave Bri & Aiden to run to Wal-Mart to pick up craft paint, Aiden falls off his bed, catching the corner of his mouth on the beveled wood edge of the footboard. I hear his scream-cry and find him spitting blood all over Brian's dress shirt. It's deeper than it is wide and Bri and I wonder if he needs glue or stitches. It's stopped bleeding so we let him go to sleep, agreeing we'll see how it looks in the morning:
Poor kid! It scabbed and seems like it will close nicely but I'm still going to be doctoring it so he doesn't end up with a scar. Luckily he's on a mega-dose of antibiotics at the moment so he's got a great chance of it healing properly with no infection. All my friends keep calling, wondering why I'm not at the pool (see: already infected & antibiotics have caused diarrhea) and I don't know if I can take much more of this accident-prone craziness!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Mushroom House Playset
Tay: This is a quick pic of the mushroom stacker house & play set I painted up for Aiden. I bought the wood cutouts from seller ClickityClack on Etsy.com and am sending them several pictures of the finished set as a thank you. I wanted to post it here so others know where it came from - they're a really neat shop for do-it-yourself pretend play things!
Potty Training Mishaps
Tay: I really can't complain - Aiden practically potty trained himself but since he's working with equipment I don't have there were a few things I didn't know to warn him about. First of all, there were a couple days early on in June where Aiden thought it was HILARIOUS to "miss" the toilet as he was sitting on it and pee out over the edge of it. Bonus if he could get the stream to squirt through the tiny gap between the toilet seat & the porcelain bowl from where he was perched. (Seriously, where do boys learn these games? His dad works around the clock so at least I know Brian isn't teaching him this...)
Any ways, this hoopla lasted about three frustrating days until one afternoon on June 16 when I heard Aiden whimper "MOMMY!" from our bathroom in a surprised, almost frightened sounding voice. I dashed in to find him looking like this:
You can't see it but the wall, part of the side of his hair and his ear are all sprayed with pee! Apparently Aiden had sat down "wrong", with legs together, squishing everything so he was pointed straight upward when he relieved himself, soaking his shirt and spraying himself in the face! From this point on Aiden was flawlessly careful about pointing himself down into the toilet - as if any direction but down would spray him in the face - and I haven't had to clean up any liquid olympics messes in the bathroom ever since. Yay for good lessons learned through experience!
Any ways, this hoopla lasted about three frustrating days until one afternoon on June 16 when I heard Aiden whimper "MOMMY!" from our bathroom in a surprised, almost frightened sounding voice. I dashed in to find him looking like this:
You can't see it but the wall, part of the side of his hair and his ear are all sprayed with pee! Apparently Aiden had sat down "wrong", with legs together, squishing everything so he was pointed straight upward when he relieved himself, soaking his shirt and spraying himself in the face! From this point on Aiden was flawlessly careful about pointing himself down into the toilet - as if any direction but down would spray him in the face - and I haven't had to clean up any liquid olympics messes in the bathroom ever since. Yay for good lessons learned through experience!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
